Unavailable to me Şiiri - Nilsu Güleş

What i never fully am is
Seen heard or known
Where i've never been to
Undisturbed peace of mind
Where i'll never ever find
Warmth embrace of home
Whose gap never fully closed
Intimacy and yearning need
Why do i choose to sustain
Inevitable pain of leaving
Wherever i meet myself
When i look back i was never there
In the midst of it all
What ill never forsake is the belief
Ill be set free some day
Of the shackles of existential dread
Feel at peace with me some day
Rubbing my back against a tree
Eyes on the horizon
With a mind like calm night sea
Slight warmth of sun, rays of sun and no need to strain
Some day ill let my hair down on a field full of lavender
Pseudoscent of rosemary, when lavender relaxes on a few notes
Unafraid chest and an unbroken heart
What i kept dreaming of
Through these hard days
When will i let go of the burdens
Of old and lost connections
Souls ive once been acquainted
Never knew
What people really felt like, with a safety net of unrushed trust to be given
Not as if it was a burning stake to be lend from heart to heart
As if it could burn me alive
As if i never knew fire all along deep in my veins
Oldest dear friend
Fire in, inside my own self