Journal Şiiri - Faye Faye

today,
i can’t look at spinning things. the bicycle wheels. the glass plate in the microwave. my dad going to work. windmills. 


yellow grasses sitting burned under the pitch black sky. i cant look out from the window. i cant even open it. dry wind stings my skin.
itches.

in the kitchen, ants are everywhere. i kill them, their little bodies trembling eating the blue dust. i feel so guilty. i hold the baby really close to my ribcage. i want to put it inside my ribcage so we can be closer. so there's no room for other things.

in the night, i can hear ants little feet buzzing behind my forehead. i give them sunflower seeds. they are carrying the sunflower seeds and dead friends back wherever. they will come back for revenge.


i don’t read biographies. listen to rachael yamagata. look at bicycle wheels. dead ants. in mirrors.