30 ağustos Şiiri - Serdengeçti Balıkmaz

Once again thru the night,
Im being crushed underneath all of the people i coulda become
All of the things i wanna do for me, for the world
From the most basic recipe i wanted to cook for myself to being a professor
Id like to have a home, once i thoght i had, i was wrong
Id like to build as beautiful as my soul, expressing all of the layers, all the complexity in me
A museum of me, my soul so to say
My inner world reflected so gently to a real 3d space so that anyone who didnt know me could meet me with couple glimpses of an eye

I could cook all of the incredibly delicious recipes for me, firing an explosion of umami and contrasts of taste, dancing among the tiny buds on my tongue, thru my mouth to my body
Meeting synapse bond combinations so umknown since the history of my existence, paired with some sensual rnb and delicately chosen cutlery to savor the meal

I could crochet and sew all of my fashion sense thru my wardrobe, customize all of my clothes with cute figures and flowers, quotes that hit hard, expressing myself on a whole different level that i wear on a daily basis

I could tuft some rugs for my bathroom, carve a beautiful bowl out of wood,
Use my own essential oil mixes from day to day, light incences,
Brew my own beer and wine, my coffee, every day that i drink i drink with passion

Could have woke up to an exciting day, that i will create wonders at work, with my whimsical outfit, twerking to a shakira song when im brewing my morning coffee,

But here i lie down on my dorm bed, binging a meaningless reality show, doomscrolling and wishing for the day to pass by
Here i sit, not knowing how to see, woodwork, tuft, nor do i have a home
Here i sit dreaming about a wonderful and meaningful life, i would probably not push forward effort thru to create fully, in the first place,
Here i sit, in my long given up on living space, on the one and only place that i could sit, in my couple of metersquares,
Begging for all this executive dysfunction thing to cloud away, on its own
Eczema on my skin, inflammations in my body, depression in my heart
Here i sit, shooting stars in my eyes, for the life that i wished
Here i sit, with this weight in my chest,
Here i sit, with everything that i constantly run away from,
Here i sit, lost in life
Here i sit, lost
Here i sit.